If you do things from a place of guilt or obligation, it is guaranteed to lead to resentment," she says. Because when a people pleaser doesn't see someone spending the same amount of time or energy on them, that can make the people pleaser feel robbed.
A hard no is clear, concise and brief — "No, thank you" or a "Thanks so much for asking. But I'm not able to this week." A soft no might be easier for a recovering people pleaser. That's when you give more of an explanation. For example: "Thank you so much for asking me to do this project. It sounds really exciting, but I don't have the bandwidth for it at this time." Simple.
When your top priority is to be liked all the time, you aren't in touch with what you need.