The Best of The Onion
10+ most popular The Onion articles, as voted by our community.
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The Onion on Addiction
City’s Alcoholism Rebranded As Culture
All the latest local coverage from The Onion, America's finest news source.
The Onion on Art
Priceless NFT Artwork Vandalized With Spray Paint Tool
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.
The Onion on Fitness
Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back
ROCHESTER, MN—In an effort to help working individuals improve their fitness and well-being, experts at the Mayo Clinic issued a new set of health guidelines Thursday recommending that Americans stand up at their desk, leave their office, and never return. “Many Americans spend a minimum of eight hours per day sitting in an office, but we observed significant physical and mental health benefits in subjects after just one instance of standing up, walking out the door, and never coming back to the
The Onion on Greta Thunberg
Nation Perplexed By 16-Year-Old Who Doesn’t Want World To End
NEW YORK—Following her U.N. address about the existential threat posed by a rapidly warming planet, citizens across the United States confirmed Monday they were perplexed by Swedish climate activist…
The Onion on Humor
Coworkers On Zoom Trapped In Infinite Loop Of Telling Each Other ‘Oh Sorry, No, Go Ahead’
LOS ANGELES—Coworkers at the advertising firm Horizon Group remained trapped in an infinite loop of telling one another “Oh sorry, no, go ahead,” during a morning Zoom teleconference, sources…
Reporter Who Found 3 Angry Tweets About Issue Guesses That’s An Article Right There
NEW YORK—Shrugging as he started writing the story’s lede, New York Times employee Lance Reede, a reporter who found three angry tweets about a particular issue, revealed Wednesday that he figured…
The Onion on Sports
Qatar World Cup Games To Cut Off Human Sales After 75th Minute
DOHA, QATAR—Unveiling several policies for the upcoming international soccer tournament, the nation of Qatar announced Sunday that its World Cup stadiums would cut off human sales after the 75th…
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Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First
MINNEANAPOLIS—Calling for a more measured way to express opposition to police brutality, critics slammed demonstrators Thursday for recklessly looting businesses without forming a private equity firm…
Facebook Announces Plan To Break Up U.S. Government Before It Becomes Too Powerful
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to curtail the organization’s outsized influence, Facebook announced Monday that it would be implementing new steps to ensure the breakup of the U.S. government before it…
Dream Crushed Over Trivial Bullshit Represents Nation Better Than Gold Medal Ever Could
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.
City Enters Phase 4 Of Pretending Coronavirus Over
DALLAS—Saying the city remained on track for progressing into the final stage, Mayor Eric Johnson told Dallas residents Friday that they would soon officially be entering Phase 4 of pretending the…
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