Take one sip of water for every time a bartender offers you a “mocktail.” Take two sips of water for every time a bartender offers you a “faux mock...

“Life is a rollercoaster!” — my entire Instagram feed - - - The You-Just-Got-Dropped Tower​​ Have you ever been unexpectedly dumped? Or fired? Or h...

Say “No” Disagreement is the foundation of all improv scenes with toddlers. Accept the reality crafted by them, but do not attempt to add any infor...

Superman is an unrealistic character and it’s impossible to tell a decent story about him for one reason: If Superman were real, he would have a fu...

1. Winter scarves. Winter feels like a tropical vacation, despite the snow. You create your own heat, baby. 2. Pads and tampons. You don’t need the...

“A federal judge in Manhattan ruled against a request from President Trump to block his longtime lender, Deutsche Bank, from complying with congres...

The recovery, which has brought low unemployment and rising wages elsewhere, hasn’t really lifted industrial northeast Ohio. But President Trump has lost little of his support there.

Not until ashes from the vents began settling on the steering wheel, like snow, did my daughter and I realize that the car had not merely overheate...

I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve decided what I’m really missing at this point in my life is to form a meaningful relationship with a purpo...

This piece originally appeared in McSweeney’s 55. Get 15% off with the promo code issue55. - - - Art by Franz Lang Maybe it was only the mood I was...

Pluck a hair from Mitch McConnell’s head. Flush it with your next period. Procure a pebble from the front of your local Planned Parenthood. Chuck i...

Pride and Prejudice I first came across this book when my father was researching potential campaign slogans; it turned out that this one was a no-g...

You know what? I’m done, done, done. Done like this land. This country stretched out before me. Barren and wasted and gray. Yeah, I’m gonna take m...

The day CAVA arrived in Philadelphia the line for bowls of vaguely Mediterranean food stretched over a block. Its arrival was written up in the loc...

Pluck a hair from Mitch McConnell’s head. Flush it with your next period. Procure a pebble from the front of your local Planned Parenthood. Chuck i...

Hey man, we’ve been friends for a long time. I just want to say, I admire your passion. I really do. Nobody understands the need to really let loos...

The Lee Test Does it show women with huge bazooms, one, who prance around in skin-tight costumes, two, yet somehow the creator, three, still gets c...

- - -I love things that suggest industrial marvels from the early 20th century. This brass thimble that I keep on my key ring has that sense of fa...

Wow! It looks like Karen has had another tragic bout of success. Yes, you know Karen. She’s your co-worker, your frenemy, that woman with the perfe...

asleep When a still-young child is absolutely adored. awake Not so much. babysitter The person in too-tight jeans and a revealing top paid to text ...

On the boardwalk way past dark Behind the walls where heat lightning falls Beneath the waves at twenty-thousand leagues Where the distant oceans si...

London, 20 May 2019 - The shortlist for the 2019 Caine Prize for African Writing has been announced, featuring stories that tackle “the ordinary in an extraordinary manner” and celebrate the diversity…

Now don’t get me wrong, I love Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris. But as great as they and the other female candidates are, I think Democrats shou...