Timothy McSweeney
The Twitter feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books. We also publish @VoiceofWitness books.
Publisher4 stories / day
List: Six Reasons Why You Should Vote for Me, Old White Man Corpse, in 2020
1. NAME RECOGNITION First off, everyone knows me. Talk about name recognition! In addition to the sixty odd years I spent in the public eye as a st...
I Want to Make Love to You Like In the Movies
Girl, I’m tired of playing around. I’m ready for that real deal romance. Flowers and butterflies and fireworks. Baby, I want to make love to you li...
List: Message On a Heart-Shaped Candy or a DM That Gets You Blocked 4-Ever?
1. YOU ROCK 2. ME PAPER 3. NICE GIRL 4. TEEN QUEEN 5. PANTS OFF DANCE-OFF 6. WILL YOU MARRY ME 7. WILL YOU TALK TO ME 8...
Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is kind of patient; love just needs to get in there for two seconds to brush love’s teeth. Sure, love guesses l...
List: Romantic Tips to Help Spice Things Up for Couples With Four Children and Two Full-Time Jobs
Be mysterious and playful “Guess which of our daughters has a urinary tract infection?” Send them sexy pics and texts during the day “Here is a pic...
Some Things That are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
War Disease Death of a loved one Delivery guy bringing you the wrong food That piece of skin that sticks up between your nail and finger and when y...