The true self is what people believe is their essence. It's the core of what makes you you; if it was taken away, you would no longer be you anymore.
the true self is an example of a “folk intuition." It almost certainly doesn't exist.
"It’s a philosophical question that there might not be a satisfying answer to. But functionally, in some ways it doesn't matter because it's having such an impact on the way that we think about our lives.”
6 min read · Jan 31st · Don’t try to change someone else’s mind. Instead, help them find their own motivation to change.
Yet experiments show that preaching and prosecuting typically backfire — and what doesn’t sway people may strengthen their beliefs. Much as a vaccine inoculates the physical immune system against a virus, the act of resistance fortifies the psychological immune system. Refuting a point of view produces antibodies against future attempts at influence, making people more certain of their own opinions and more ready to rebut alternatives.
Several decades ago, when treating substance abuse problems, psychologists developed a technique called motivational interviewing. The central premise: Instead of trying to force other people to change, you’re better off helping them find their own intrinsic motivation to change. You do that by interviewing them — asking open-ended questions and listening carefully — and holding up a mirror so they can see their own thoughts more clearly. If they express a desire to change, you guide them toward a plan
Don’t try to change someone else’s mind. Instead, help them find their own motivation to change.
Research suggests we may benefit from phrasing our goals in a speculative way: “Will I?” rather than “I will.” — this is called the Willpower Paradox.
Declarative self-talk (“I will”) is more likely to be linked to extrinsically motivated goals. Using interrogative self-talk (“Will I?”) allows for more time to build intrinsic motivation.
By switching from declarative self-talk to interrogative self-talk, we can consider whether we really want to achieve that goal. If the answer is yes, intrinsic motivation makes us more likely to succeed.